Food sucks

The foods I eat have a bigger impact on me than I thought.

Obviously they make me fat. I have been reading a lot about how PCOS and the foods I eat affect my body. And maybe this is related to that, but that is not what I am talking about.

This week I wouldn't say I've fallen off the wagon, I still have been going to the gym and playing kickball, I still have been counting calories, but I have been allowing myself more junk this week.

And I hate myself.


I'm not talking about hating myself for allowing myself to do so. I have still stayed relatively close if not under my calorie range- except today. I mean I physically feel terrible. Sick. I feel this genuine sense of self loathing. I feel no hope, I've been short tempered, I feel alone, that nothing and no one loves me. My cat would rather spend her time with my sister. I feel as though I am a bum. I'm unbelievable broke, I'm this failure who can't even afford to get a car, I still haven't finished school, the only men who seem to want me are men old enough to be my grandfather (this is not an exaggeration, a man at work who was that old asked me on a date)...

In other words I am miserably depressed this week. All because of the food I ate. And I'm realizing as delicious as a lot of this food is, it's not worth it. I know that being in your twenties is hard. It's a confusing time globally, I am so lucky for what I do have, I will get out of debt, and maybe it's not in the time frame I want, but I will get a car and I pray my friends will tolerate me in the meantime. Boys my age do want me, I just have to be patient. I am amazed at what a night and day difference it has been from this food.


Never again. The splurges aren't worth the hurt.

But I stick by statement about my cat. She really does prefer my sister